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I Have a New Husband

In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم

For those of you keeping track of my singleton adulthood this post should not be mocked. I've written in heavy seriousness about the condition in the past and reluctantly see a specialist every 2-3 weeks to find a potential-suitable-credible cure.

Those without prior understanding of the Zaufishaness mind-frame: Abandon all hope all ye who enter here.

Long dramatic story short = I bought a husband. Hand on heart I'm in love with the guy. He's not your average joe and therefore starkly different to all the men that Allah made. He isn't hollow. He is handsome, with a strange resemblance to Antonio Banderas. And he was cheap. Dead cheap. (£2)

*fidgets in wave of girlish excitement* This is kismet, seriously.

I'd like to introduce you to my (latest) partner in crime:

'He won't get fat. He keeps his opinions to himself' = True Love.

He arrived with instructions, unlike the males.

The greatest thing about my new husband is I can drown him without the faintest remorse. That is in fact his greatest, but sadly only talent. Chuck him in lukewarm water for a couple days and he expands. I think he's made of retractable foam.

Married ladies out there I'd humbly advise you to reconsider your current contracts for a more 'flexible' one. To my fellow singleton sisters: Whatcha waiting for? This plastic man is the answer to our problems! No family opposition, travel size, no 'care labels' and he's always dressed smart. This is so close to perfection, I know it.

I haven't named my husband yet. Any ideas?


  1. erm how does u start ya family wiv dis?
    erm can u eat him if u get mad at him?
    does he cook?
    can he drive?
    i know he dunt talk which is grt!
    let me fink more

    frigin hell sigin insz a mission turn it offffffffffffffffff

  2. leave me alone u signing in howible box it attacked me shan!
    4get abt that wuber fing talking dis box wudnt let me walk pass it it scanned me upside down for passwordsz omfgcnancsadmn

  3. :-) Have they got a wife version ;p

  4. @Leemon, inshaAllah I'll check at the wife-discount aisle next time I'm out. :P I doubt it.

  5. @br. Dawud. We named him in 2009. But thank you for your input.

  6. Change his name to Dawud. He won't notice, trust me.


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