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Growing My Husband (Day 3)

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

In the name of God, Compassionate, Merciful بسم الله الرحمن الرحيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم

In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
Aim: To see how much my tiny man can expand in water.

Day 3 Report
Tiny man showing more signs of rebellion by kicking inside of glass jar and refusing to give me his wallet. (alright, I feel I'm bordering cuckoo-land with this experimentation but it is friggin' entertaining). There are less oxygen bubbles emitting meaning he's either breathing through the sly (by other means) or he's asphyxiating.


Size: Almost 8cm. the bending light in water makes him appear bigger. (he's grown more than double in size from day one when I first drowned him)...
Facial expression: Complete despair. Mouth has jolted downwards and he's "obtained" greyish bruises on his face and arms which appear to be the result of self-affliction. I swear I had nothing to do with it.

Body proportions: The right foot is growing to the right either grasping for support or pointing to a holy city. I also just realised: HE HAS NO FINGERS!

Limbs: Neck has also obtained creasing. Medical reports suggest he's been the victim of table-tennis but no conclusive evidence has been found.

Location: Bedroom windowsill (moved to gain tan)
Food: Water from Glass Jar
Time: 6pm in UK
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Voting over so I name thee, my partner in crime with whom I share a contractual bond (of £2 & a signed receipt) the blessed Muslim name of: MyHusband B. Flexichan. The B stands for Bachara which means 'poor sod' in Urdu/Hindi. There you have it, naming over.

Please sign here _________, and here _________, date here _________, and here _________, finally print initials here _____. Mui bien!
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After I've drowned him to maximum expansion, I thought to try out other challenges. See how much stamina MyHusband B. Flexichan has, that sorta thing. That name's damn long now that I think about it. Will have to use an abbreviation for future reference. MyHubF doesn't sound right, MHBF... no, ehh, I'll figure it out after I've completed serious matters.

I was saying, after the water experiment a different route needs to be taken to test the guy. In Islamic guidance a woman is married for four things with taqwa: righteousness -a strong awareness of God & the world- being paramount. For a man it's the same but with an extra criteria of good akhlaq: manners, conduct. Since the husband's got a greater role in protecting his wife, if he's a mad-ball he'll only abuse the relationship, so Islam suggests to TEST a man's anger before marrying him. I'm considering ticking off a bunch of men. *grin*

So, what next for testing with MyHusband?

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Muslimhomeschoolers said...

How do you test a man's anger before marrying him?

Zaufishan said...

@Muslimhomeschoolers - very good question.
1. Ask him a series of questions that do not have right/wrong answers; they reveal how he would deal with various situations, truthfully. For instance dealing with poverty, getting fired, jealousy over other men, arguments with his friends.
2. Provoke him. Literally. Say or do something within Islamic principles to check his reactions; telling signs are in his frowns, body language or retorts. It's the silent passive aggressive ones you want to avoid. Or the ones that throw things at you. "Issues..."
3. Get reviews. Past wives/relationships will have the scars. Friends & family give warning signals like "he's our favourite (meaning - only & self-centred) son, we give him everything (spoilt) and he is short tempered but very calm! (he's verbally violent)".
If the man's honest, he'll say upfront "I have a rage, but I'm dealing with it and I'm sorry when I hurt you." <- That one you marry.

MuslimFirst said...

Ma'sha'allah, excellent, informative list. *Prepares for questioning*

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