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Video: What Muslims Should Look for in PPICs* (a spouse)

Part I

In the ongoing hunt and on the virtuous path of finding a wife/husband, as Muslims we must stop to ask ourselves two very revealing questions. One, why do we want to marry? And two, "who" do we want to marry? If the answer to both is "an amazing pious attractive person who is to'ally like me", we need to rebuke your marrying powers. Here is a video discussion by two sisters (whom I adore, mashaAllah, make du`a for them) on things to do and red flags to look out for, while you're on the serious journey to marriage. Video highlights below.

(Final YT video to topic) Courtesy of vlogger Amenakin, founder of online hijab store Pearl Daisy.com.

  1. As a standard rule, avoid spending time alone with the opposite gender; "shaytaan is the third companion", and he will whisper into your hearts. You are not immune.
  2. Be serious. Have the right intention to marry: to develop your spirituality. Loneliness, children, wanting a home-maker, independency and s*x are not {by themselves} valid reasons to marry...
  3. Find a spiritual person. This isn't a measure of religiosity, how hard he person prays or how much Qur'an she knows. Spirituality means a person's heart is full of love for Allah. Sheikh Abdal-Hakim Murad also replied to the question with "find a spiritual person".
  4. Look out for red flags like anger, negative reactions to people, a criminal record (!), abusive behaviour and a frequent use of effing and jeffing foul language. 
  5. Look for good signs like their generosity, gentility, their self-respect, personal modesty, values and principles. A loving, kind personality is also a good sign (in a man).
  6. Check compatibility with PPICs* by openly discussing your expectations and hopes; you'll have your set of ideas and your partner will have theirs. If your combined pot of expectations for the marriage are not fairly understood before the marriage you'll both want different things and this will create trouble. 
  7. Honesty, honesty, honesty. If you find your potential partner hid something important (e.g. previous relationships) from you, even if she/he justifies it with "I didn't want to lose you", this is a serious secret. Both of you must be honest with your past; your past also plays a huge role in how you work in your marriage so don't expect to suddenly change as a new, improved and phenomenal husband/wife. Ain't 'appenin'.
  8. Love's not all that: Mercy and compassion inevitably bring in love. Allah doesn't say to love your partner unconditionally, He says to show compassion - husbands and wives are "garments for one another" therefore a certain amount of protection, loyalty, trust and mercy (forgiveness) is expected from both sides.

To be continued. 

*PPICs: Potential Partners in Crime, Zaufishan jargon.

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