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Superheroes... Hijab Man

Monday, 4 May 2009

In the name of God, Compassionate, Merciful بسم الله الرحمن الرحيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Enough with the hijab-lecture already. We've seen the magic it brings, attended rallies and fought for the hijab so give the women a rest will you? Sheesh.

When did men, flashing pecks under gold chained, silk tailored hip-hop shirts - enough to outdo Shabba Ranks - get the audacity to 'counsel' me on how to wear my attire? Feeling nippy in the short-shorts bro?

Forgive my rant, but this needs to be hollered at you semi-deaf people. I face the 2-point 'muslim woman' dress code of 1. Wrap in black (to supposedly follow Islam's number one pillar) then 2. Accept Attack - because she's covered? This isn't to expose the rituals of 'muslim' countries on ultra-arab Sharia laws. I'm talking about this British nation, founded by the Palestinian St. George, the 'muslim' men in the universities and the 'muslim' leaders in the masajid who love Islam passionately, with their tongues. Don't 'sister' me if you're x-raying under the fabric.
The 'hijab' isn't limited to a head cloth, nor is it exclusively for women. Literally translated as 'covering' or 'barrier', the hijab is an arabic word used to follow the Islamic ruling of 'lower your gaze and guard your modesty: that will make for greater purity for you' (24:30). Sheikh Hamza Yusuf's speech on chastity in the modern world retorted the age-old drone from Allah-fearing muslims: 'Why did God say it like this? Why did God ask men to lower their gaze FIRST?' = Because those men, forget.

You see, once the muslim man lowers his eyesight, throws on a decent juba and guards his chastity, the woman easily follows suit. To expect every muslim women to hide her 'ornaments' while your preaching bounces off the clubs you are hiding in is sad, sad. Instead, we have a generation of hijabless men and women, each seeking the other in repetitive sin. Those women in hijab are not prey for you; one purpose of them covering up is so they can show non-muslims how faithful they are, not magnetically pull in your every blink. 'Muslim' men have such smarts that they keep their gazes closer to home - no peeking at the foreign, non-muslim or paler-skinned hijabi, no. These 'muslim' men sniff out their own kind and race and colour - It's more halal this way, surely?

This is not to chastise non-stupid muslim men, nor the "going-through-a-transition" muslim men who, justifiably, do not know which sister is really their own sister. Just try to look at Allah's compassionate rules, implement them and encourage other to do the same. You, men, are not Allah's messengers, but Khilafah' - here to practice what you preach. You wear the hijab for a day and report on the flexibility women are supposedly blessed with. I dare you.



In fact, there is a niche in the market for Hijab Men. Many a time brothers have girlishly complained in want of full-sleeved, thick woolen clothing that women have masses of. So allow me to bless you with extra taqwah. Oh, don't leave that Morrocan wrap-over in the closet for protecting the neck - no good in getting looks now, is there? 'What will the people say?'

You think I'm joking. Heck, I've even made prototypes. Hijab-Man, or HJ, looks most appealing to this muslim woman. All black, iconic headgear and shady eyes. It screams 'muslimness'.

A- Kufi & face veil into catching headband. For the modest man on the go.
B- Expandable headscarf. Use as a shoulder piece, belt or double up as face veil - shh, the MI5 might be peeking.
C- Drawstring in those exposing skin patches. A woolen tunic made from muslim wool.
D- Don't forget the flip-flops. They're a rave in African countries.

The Hijab-Man will revolutionise society, protect the weaklings, defend all ignorant, bring peace between genders and a retro headband to every Jumuah prayer. Now either wear my hijab for me, or back off altogether. Put that in your hookah and smoke it.

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SilentPoet said...

That was such a cool blog! GO HIJAB MAN!!!!

HijabMan said...

funny how you actually did an okay sketch of me ;)

-HijabMan

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Thank you. Have you read Muslimness.com?